I MISS MY ORCHIDS

this year ... they did not produce flowers at all, not a single one. I am to blame, since I repotted them and cut them into four to propagate. Hope that next year, I would have at least one spike. I just love orchids !!!! Wa Charotzzzz !

AND THESE ARE MY CRAVINGS ...

I crave for some hot crunchy tasty spring rolls (lumpia) to be dipped in sweet and sour sauce with lots of chilli!!! This is a photo of the food that my best friend D made and just the look of this made me salivate !!! I guess he makes the best crunchy pinoy type spring rolls ever! With his recipe, I hope I could replicate his feat this weekend. Sure will prepare one for a feast !!!

THE FIGHT FOR LOVE AND LIFE

I am not an expert when it comes to LOVE. For in my life, I have only truly loved three men (and a baby), and if my idea of LOVE is right afterall, and if all my friends around are giving me the correct advise and impressions, the bear with me so ! My first love was, of course, sweet and unrequited. I could still remember, like a song. His name is forever etched in my memory. And it starts with letter J. The second was dangerous, full of passion, kaput. And with him, I was lost my virginity :) And the third (this one) hopefully conquers all. All the others, I could dump under the categories of LUST, CRUSHES, FUN, FLIRTS, AFFAIRS, PHASES, REBOUNDS, TAKE AWAYS, HAPPY MEALS, ITCHINESS, etc. But still, I do not know what true LOVE is. Is it really a battlefield, where one emerges a victor or a loser. Is it an eternal grail that you seek and could never find? Participants of the annual Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Parade march down 5th Avenue, Sunday, June 25, 2006, in New York. This year the parade motto is The Fight for Love and Life. (AP Photo) If love indeed is an eternal quest, the following poem I chose as my guide me, and hopefully it does. Kahlil Gibran on Love When love beckons to you, follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart. But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God." And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving; To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy; To return home at eventide with gratitude; And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

LESSONS FROM HYSTERIA LANE

We have this unwanted climber visitor in our garden which I have been trying to kill for over three years now. It is devouring by asphyxiation all the other plants we have. And it is attracting a lot of white aphids. Someone told me its beautiful name before but I cannot remember now ... Actually it is something like ivy... yes, maybe Poison Ivy... reminded me of the lovely Uma Thurman in Batman the movie. And the evil characteristics! Well, anyway, this weed or climber is actually growing from our neighbor and it climbed up over the trees and fence and now it is lording or maybe the right word is reigning over all the other plants and flowers and even managed to climb and really flourish on top of our garage's rooftop. Ohhh yes, this plant is so unruly and has a mind of its own. I constantly weed it out, pull it out of its entanglings, cut it out over and over again only to be greeted the following days or weeks of its new healthy growth. Annoying me. Haunting me. You could not kill this plant unless you weed out the main root which is in our neighbor, my friends said. So all I could really do is to continue what I have been doing, or I could report this problem to the council to end my suffering. All I want is a low maintenance garden, and this climber is making it sooo difficult! Our neighbor apparently loves this climber for they are not being bothered at all. It covered their whole area and provides them the only greenery they have and hides all the dirt in their garden. And we really do not talk to our neighbor, not after previous disputes. Well, I thought what would Bree of the Desperate Housewives do in this case? Of course, she would not give up the fight this easily. She would definitely find a way to succeed. But then there are fights that you cannot win and the only thing you have to do is to turn the problem into a "bearable situation" you can live with. Like with all the other things I could not change, I might just actully surrender, give up this little fight, and welcome this plant as my official garden guest! In winter time, it is covered with lively blue purplish flowers, which somehow enlivens the dead garden... and maybe my only true consolation!

WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR A BOY....

do you know..... ??? I was humming this song in my head thinking of a good title for this post. Weekend was plain and simple - as always, but then came Sunday morning. I was awakened by my mobile's alert for a new text message. At 10 in the morning, I was still very sleepy but when I was half reading the message from my younger brother - our youngest, living in Sydney - that his wife delivered a baby boy on Saturday, I was just like Whaaaattttt!!! It was a surprise - for I did not know that my sister in law was even pregnant. Well, all of us in the family did not have a clue. And so the coming of the baby boy was just a big big big pleasant and wonderful surprise! That ended my quiet and peaceful weekend. I immediately called my sister and told her about it and she said - Whaaaattttt? What kind of drugs are you on? ? I told her to read the text in her mobile - and she said "oHHHHH My Gawwwd!" And so that was like the rest of the family! I rang my brother and he was very ecstatic and though I could not hide my joy and surprise, I asked him why on earth did they not told us in the first place - and that is like nine months of not telling us - is like not being considered part of the family at all. I for one would not or could not hide this (if i would get preggie, of course! not!), unless there is a real and big reason not to (another story!). Just for the sake of a surprise is just a big surprise - for all it is, is not coming out as a surprise !!! Well, not in this category. What happened with the word FAMILY ??? So I was with mixed emotions. But that warm happy welcoming feeling of having another member of the family - a baby boy - won over and I had this chance of celebrating this on my own by listening to a CD I bought last friday - what a coincidence since it was all about boys... like my subconscious was preparing me for this finale...like I kept on seeing little cute baby boys on Saturday as well, not knowing that somewhere out there, a boy in the family has just arrived. It is "Les Choristes". I have the DVD and saw it once. Now just to refresh my memory- I saw it again last night, after listening to the CD. Well aside from the fact, that I love anything Frenchy, I was really touched to the core by the angelic voices of these boys plus I needed a big purging of emotions or "catarhsis". I almost cried at first - well, shamelessly I actually cried a buckett afterwards .... for joy and all that there is to Life. For those just felt and not seen. Cheers!!!

OWE MY GAWWWWD !!!!

Cunt wait for this film to be shown on the big screen... He is soooooo cuteeeeee in a nice but not so nice way (i don't like guys who are soooo clean they look like girls) .... actually i like him nahhh, though I have not seen his acts yet - i know he's gonna be good!!! I do not like Christopher Reeves at all, he is not that sexy - there is something lame or dead about him. Actually, what i think would also be a good superman is that Irish bad guy - what's his name ???? Colin Fartz ... oh, Farell, izn't It???? Just imagine him with the Superman jocks..... hmmmm... well, actually he could be Batman or Robin.... whatever! Divash!

WINTER SOLSTICE MY WORLD

Yesterday, June 21st was the shortest day of the year here in Melboure. Yes, its is Winter Solstice. When i was still studying science in elementary, I thought of this word as very mystical and even errie, not only because there is no winter in the Philippines - but the word solstice I pictured in my mind as belonging to the category of wizards, witches and sorcerers. Anyway, winter solstice is an event when the sun reaches its most northernly position in the sky and Melbourne gets just 9 hours and 32 minutes of sunlight. Which really translates to zero sunlight for me since I go to work without seeing the daylight and going home already dark. Well, actually I get almost an hour of dimly lit sun when I go out for a walk during my lunchbreak. Today, while having my lunch in a foodcourt, a burning bush in the form of a girl/lady/woman suddenly appeared and sat with her friend infront of my table. Munching on my yummy ravioli and spinach salad, I was mesmerised and my thoughts were on a blog by David regarding people who could/would dare wear orange and do not look like prisoners. Now this girl does not only wear fiery engine orange, but also dyed her hair and eyebrows orange to match. To top it all, she wore a big man's shoes, and then an old rugged pants, and over it she wore a bali dress, and another layer of material and then the Orange dress or jacket. She also wore orange make up. I don't think she is a junkie, a circus girl or anything really weird, she could actually be a store clerk, bank employee or a manager for the word serious is written all over her face. Or maybe she is in love!!! Now, I think the winter solstice affected the minds of some melburnians, somehow, in an errie way, as i suspected before! And this cold cold weather actually freezes the brains and make people act and feel like zoombies.

ME AND MY BIG MOUTH!!!

WHEN MY MAN BOOBS SHAME ME!

Its really high time for me to go the gym, or do some running around the park. Pronto, ensugueda!!! I have been so unbelievably lazy and re-laxed for the past months. My appetite is up and winter makes me stay in bed and just watch tv as much i want possible. In short I have become a certified potato queen, literally!!! And that is horrific!!! This morning, as the train passed by, I saw an attractive looking girl with a black bag and big boobs standing and wearing a jacket that is quite familiar. Also a green bennie and a scarf that looked like mine, or actually the one that I am wearing. When I looked again, the girl with the big boobs wearing the jacket and scarft that are familiar is no other than sleepy me. OMG!!!! I'm totally shocked, i did not know myself anymore. What is shocking is that I am having man's boobs. My partner N has teased and commented on this a few months ago when we were having shower together. I just dismissed this sordid idea since how on earth would i develop one or two when I am skinny as hell. But then that was just the picture of myself in my mind that I chose to be there. What is real is that fat big boobsy moi! I must admit (chicka) that I looked like this when I was still younger!!! And definitely, I want this look back (Echeng!!! ) I actually want to have that skinny starving look of the children in the slum areas of Manila. You might think it is funny, but it is true!!!

TIME FOR OTHERS...

These are some of the poignant photos of Sidney of my my_sarisari_store.typepad.com. I have due permission to post these in my blog. (Thanks Vina for correcting the blog address) These photos actually remind me of my sister, when she was still just a little girl, just like these girls ...

BOY INTERRUPTED

I am possessed.

Yes, I am possessed by the spririt of Mother Theresa of Calcutta (peace be upon her!) in the past 24 hours worrying how and why other people are living in too much poverty, misery, filth and want. I am referring to people who survive and dwell in the slum areas of Manila and other major cities in the Philippines and even the world (like India, Bangladesh, Africa). And most of them are small tiny little children!

It all started with a blogsite which exposes "beautiful" photos of slum areas and the people and children who live there - my sarisari store (http://www.my_sarisari_store.typepad.com/). I should have posted some of his photos (as he allowed me, thanks!) here but it seems that blogger has problems with posting photos lately. I will do it later.

And also last night I watched this Filipino documentary in TFC (May Nagmamahal sa Iyo) - Someone loves you. The episode was about these young guy who was adopted by an Australian couple in Melbourne from a convent in the Philippines called Good Shepherd.

At seventeen, he became restless, rebellious, unhappy of his life, and went back to the Philippines for the first time on a mission to find his real parents. He dug out records of his adoption but could not trace the people who abandoned him. Instead, he found himself surrounded by these hungry infants and staring children in the orphanage where he came from.

Looking at these children and thinking about their plight, he realizes that he is indeed lucky that an Australian couple found, adopted and have given him an opportunity to live a better future. Went back to Australia with a better heart and gave a new meaning or appreciation to his adopted parents. Showed his videotapes to friends, schools and other organizations and was able to raise funds (10k) for the children. Went back to the Philippine convent again and brought with him boxes of books and other things he collected for these children for a better condition in the orphanage. At seventeen, he was able to give back what was given to him roughly sixteen years ago.

Time and again, I am reminded of these issues and I feel that I should also do something. I felt a new meaning to the word - - "help" especially to those who are totally strangers are really in need. (It is totally different when you help your family and relatives and friends, and this I am always doing! )

Life could be so empty if you live a self centered, "all-for-me" life attitude. I can see these in the sad and tired eyes of reasonably rich people here whose primary objective in life is just to make money and more money for themselves, and helping or sharing with others is not in their vocabulary.

Well, to each his own really, and everyone has their own awakening in the process. But definitely, for me, life lived for others is a more meaningful existence!

A KWIN'S BDAY

Monday last was the Queen's Bday. I really don't know what that means but then a holiday is a good enough meaning for me. I know that the current Queen of England celebrated her birthday on April 21st. So what is this queen's bday on monday? My friend Geranium said that it is actually a birthday celebration in honor of all the Queens. And anybody can be a queen in their own right. Right? The word "queen" has been used profusely lately to describe gay guys like "queen" because they do not only look like queens but they act like some sort of queens. Specifically drag queens! The following are photos i took a quarter ago during the midsumma festival. And yes there were hundreds and hundred of queens during that day in the park, celebrating their own queenly queerly birthdays! Izn't it FANTABULOUS?

COOK INTO THE GROOVE!

It'z like every blog i visited talks about foooooooooood! What is happening with the world..people are getting hungry!!! And Madonna... of course! And some of my friends talk about Madonna and Food. The following is not mine... its from the creative juices of very close friends who just are artists de vouje of their own rights. And they are indeed very talented... making fun of all things funny... you know what i mean... Anywayz, I asked the holy permission from the creator who is an avid Madonna fan - to post this in my blog for posterity sake... and to also share with friend bloggers... Pardon, the non Fil readers, as there are ethnic nuances that could be lost in the translations, so i didn't even try. A Tribute to Madonna. Consider these recipes: 1. HOLIDAY KARE-KARE (Fil curry) 2. LA SHWARMA BONITA (Arabic Shwarma) 3. VOGUE SINIGANG (Fil Soup) 4. TURON FEVER (yung may marshmallow) 5. LAING UP 6. SORRY DE FRUTA (non-fat version of crema de fruta) 7. BICOL EXPRESS YOURSELF 8. EMPANADA ANOTHER DAY 9. LIKE A BIHON (pansit bihon of course) 10.DON’T FRY FOR ME ARGENTINA (chicken surprise) 11.DESPERATELY SEEKING SIOPAO 12.MOUSSE THAT GIRL (chocolate mousse) 13.PATA DON’T PREACH 14.WHAT IT FEELS LIKE FOR A GRILL (chicken barbecue, i laughed at this tremendously) 15.DON’T TELL ME TO FLAP (buffalo wings) 16.DROWNED FISH (daing na bangus) 17.TRUE BULALO 18.LIKE A FRYER (fried chicken) Anyway, I thought that this was a really good idea and I excitedly told my friend that I will buy the first 50 books outright if ever and when they come up with this. Izn't it fantastique?

WINTER DAZE

June 1 is the first day of winter here in Oz. But i thought it already started a month ago, when i have to wear almost five layers of clothes when i go to work. I like winter because I have to wear winter clothes - which i find really chic. Hand gloves, scarves, beannies, jumpers, thick and thicker jackets, leg warmers. Different colors but mostly made of wool and warmer materials. I hate winter because I have to wear winter clothes - which i find really daggy. And I hate layering. I also look really bulky and fatter. I like winter because when you walk with really warm clothes, you can feel the fresh and cold air in your face and it is really refreshing. I hate winter because when you walk with really flimsy clothes, cold gets into the core of your being and you can really make a bloody oath against this season and wish it be summer again. Winter is finally here. We had 8 degrees yesterday and it is really freezing! I love and I hate winter.